Good simple day

Today has been a good day?

What made the difference? Yesterday bad and today good?

I woke up feeling like I’d slept

I woke up with a positive mindset

I didn’t put pressure on myself

I spoke to my Mum (always good to hear her voice)

I used positive words in relation to myself

I tried fortnite with the kids... ermmm definitely not a skill I seem to have!

Today has just been a nice day: fire, candles... cosy!

Not a lot more I can say really except; today I appreciated the small things. Today I wanted to have a nice day. It worked!

Tough day. I look pregnant

Today has been a really tough day. Today has been a day off work and no plans. In lockdown. What can the brain do in these situations?

Let me start from the beginning of the week. I’ve taken half term off and so far this week we’ve walked in the woods, I’ve read 2 books, done some cleaning and painting. Last night I didn’t sleep well. Today it threw me. I felt tired and lower than I have done for weeks!

I couldn’t stop thinking about food. I started to cook a microwave meal at lunchtime and threw it away. I ate 4 seafood sticks and craved more. I had a large teaspoon of Nutella.... I so enjoyed it but have no idea why I felt I needed it so much. I feel I’ve tormented myself all day with food.

I looked down at this:

I felt huge.

The scales are up 1.5lb since yesterday...

I know I’ve done well since I started back on my fitness and food regime but when you look down and still feel as if you look pregnant (when you know you’re not!) it’s so disheartening. I have to keep going. I have to get myself in a better place physically (and I know mentally I’ll feel far better too) 

Damn you belly and damn you scales! Damn you brain for over thinking.

Anyway, I pulled myself together and went and did my 30minute workout. Why didn’t I do this sooner? I felt fabulous after!!

We all get low days. I need to remember that. Today could of been far far worse! I’ll take today as a victory, not a fail.

Tomorrow will be a better day. I know it will. But today hasn’t been bad now has it?!

Happy Valentines

 14th February and I’ve still kept to my health and fitness regime along with no booze since 2nd Jan. I’m very proud of myself.

Today I’ve got to keep the “guilt” demon in check. Today I’d planned a couple of “off plan” treats due to a family Valentine meal we’re all cooking. When in lockdown I feel like celebrating these occasions more than usual, I suppose it breaks up the mundaneness of everything. 

Kids planned a surprise by baking 3 types of cakes for us today and the youngest is so pleased he keeps asking us if we want more.  What a sweet idea and how lovely! Now I feel so guilty for eating it and wanting more. How do I keep it in check? How will I feel tomorrow after so much indulgence? 

Keep the guilt monster in check. So hard. Emotional control and food is so hard. Perhaps calling it a “monster” is half the issue? Self control and guilt is a balance I need to keep in check. I will do this. It’s not difficult really is it? 

My boys did something lovely. I enjoyed it. Move on.

I’m lucky to feel as loved as I am.