Disappointment hurdle

Only 2lb this week (last Monday) and the scales aren't moving much this week either.... disappointment is such a tough hurdle to overcome.  The battle with inner thoughts start and doubt sets in....

"Is it worth it?"
"Why am I bothering?"
"Does it work?"
"Why isn't it coming off as quickly as last time?"
"Why am I putting all this effort in when all I want is a glass of wine and a plate of chips?"
"I want my weight gone"
"I want it gone yesterday"

But self doubt and impatience will not stop me, I won't let it win!

What's the answer?

"Believe in me!"
"I am worth it!"
"A calorie controlled, healthy eating plan, of course it works!"
"My body isn't a computer and it doesn't always do as it's told"
"I don't really want to be controlled by alcohol or carbs"
"I put the weight on, so I need to put the time and effort into losing it"
"I will be gone soon if I remain focused  and try to remain true to myself"

What should I do better?

Drink more water
Be proud of what I've achieved so far! Since last Friday I've done 5 fitness sessions (30min workouts).  I'm back doing what I love at Shake and all the classes. My confidence is growing again and I'm starting to like me again.

So what do we think folks; should I be disappointed with 11.5lb off in under 3 weeks, fitness started and a huge change in mindset?

I think we all know the answer!!!

Don't let disappointment turn into self sabotage....

Good night all x

First week weigh in and I'm hopeless I didn't post to say I lost......

9.5lb and I'm HAPPY with that thank you very much!

So that was Monday and now it's Saturday  and the weeks involved working and sleeping.

I find January hard. I feel like a hermit and that's ok whilst at the beginning of being back on plan and losing my weight. I feel a bit like a ticking bomb waiting to be let off and waiting to get in that pub and socialise! It's that control button that I know isn't there yet. I know if I had one it wouldn't be enough! Cambridge weight plan is a zero alcohol intake whilst on plan so I have no choice currently.
No pub for me and no socialising yet. Some people may consider this harsh and why put myself through such a strict regime? "You've gotta live right?" But I've learnt a lot about me and my weight now. I know that I have to do this now to get back in control, I know my psychological state slipped and the 7 stone was creeping back on (, I know I should cut myself some slack as last year was a tough one emotionally for me,) I'm not going to beat myself up.  If I hadn't had Cambridge weight plan in my life I'd have put the lot back on and more! Self awareness is key. Keeping my eyes open is key.  The moment my leggings and baggy jumpers come out I know I'm slipping!

Last night I saw another part of my plan to get back to me go into force. I started back to my Shake fitness classes. When I lost my first large amount of weight on plan, I started Shake classes half way through when I'd lost about 3 stone. I can remember how nervous I felt, I can remember feeling so wobbly and not wanting people to judge me. The thing I love about the couple that run the classes is that they don't judge my size and never have. They welcomed me in and my love for fitness  was reborn. I know they don't like what they think is the concept of Cambridge weight plan is but then I know they don't understand it and how much it's helped me and continues to help me (,perhaps one day we'll talk about it but not right now). I let my Shake love slip too last year.  Why do we do that? Anyway, I went back last night and it was awesome. Here's to falling in love with Shake again 😍 I'm off again this morning too! Can't wait to feel sweaty and achy again. I'm loving the feeling of getting me back.

I'm feeling happier inside.

I'm feeling more in control.

I'm feeling good!

Happy weekend peeps and here's a pic that reflects my thoughts this week:

I'm not claiming to feel like a lion yet but I'm out the cage lol

Happy weekend Peeps!

Sunday reflection

Sunday evening and I have survived my first week!  No alcohol, no chocolate, no ice-cream, no takeaway... lots of 'NOs!!'  I also can tell you lots of 'yes's' as well...

"Its been mentally tough"

"I have felt so tired"

"I have achieved!"

"I feel back in control!"

"I feel frustrated that I let myself go..."

That's weigh loss; so up and down....

Weight loss is such a mental journey, so now I need to self reflect and think of a few years back.  I think looking back can really help, it can help you realise how far you have come.  This is 2007 (pre kids) and we are young but we are carrying far too much weight, we were happy

When I look at this picture I remember the feeling of wearing a swim suit around others.  The endless trale to find one I liked that didn't make me feel like a whale.  I remember sweating so much (I know it is hot in Cyprus but) I  remember thinking that the slimmer people didn't seem to look as hot as me.  I remember living for the food and alcohol on that holiday. I remember wanting to jump around in the pool and play, have fun but I remember worrying as I know my fat would jump with me!

I know holidays are about relaxing and having more treats than usual and that's fine if you have some control, that's fine if you know what it means to have a 'treat' and that's fine if you aren't 7-10 stone heavier than is deemed healthy.

A little more history; 1997 I put on 4 stone in 12 months, 1998 I lost 4 stone in 18 months, 1999-2000 I put it all back on and more, 2007 I fell pregnant and had the embarrassment of being pregnant and morbidly 'obese'.  It was at this time that I weighed in every week on the maternity ward to see if I would be allowed to be maternity led instead of consultancy led.  I did it!  It wasn't about me back then, it was about the beautiful baby I had longed for, it was about giving him the best start in life.  He was born and I slipped back into bad habits and 2 years later I was back to the weight I had been pre pregnancy.  To be honest I was so sleep deprived I didn't care about me really, in fact when I think of my weight I can recall so many people telling me what "a beautiful face I have" and "what a bubbly, loving personality" I had and how "lovely I always look"; really I did try to do the best I could with what I had lol but really I hadn't considered the effects this had had on me psychologically and also physically.

Enough history for now and perhaps a happy photo is needed.  Life isn't all doom and gloom and I for one am very grateful for what I have and who I am.  Weight has been a large 'thing' consuming a lot of my life but it isn't everything as this is; this is everything: FAMILY 💞

So I look back now and think about those years ago and how far I have come.  I am proud of me, I am so proud of my husband too, we have changed and I love the fact my children can see this too.  Weight loss is a journey and I hope to continue to share mine.

Week 2 tomorrow; bring it on!

The Friday feeling

I've had an awesome week, relishing the feeling of being back in control and feeling good about 'me' again.

It's now Friday and self sabotage thoughts start to hit me; "I've worked so hard all week and I deserve a treat", "I need a glass of vino to relax after my week", "curry night should be ok?" , "I want today to feel special and different from the normal working day". The problem with these thoughts is I know they are 'normal' and yes the weekend is different from the working week, the problem is my own mind. I have learnt that until I know my control button is fully switched on and I can have just 'a treat' and not turn Friday night, Saturday day, Saturday night, Sunday day and Sunday night to restart Monday hopelessness off. I have to respect myself and get control and discipline back into by brain with alcohol and food. Some people may read this and relate whilst others may not understand... control is such a hard thing self control and the battling with food. Half the time it's denial and not realising the food you put into your body; understanding calories and health benefits etc of certain foods is important. I'm taking upon myself to learn more about food and the benefit of healthy eating. For those that are interested I'll share some facts soon!

Part of this is why Cambridge weight plan works for me; I have 3 products and a 200cal meal on step 2. All my products are nutritionally balanced and give me all I need with the bonus of a small meal. This is all I'm allowed and I don't have to challenge myself with lots of temptation and choices till I know I'm ready. Stick to plan... drink my water and enjoy the feeling of control and clean insides!  

So, here I am staving the feeling to sabotage my awesome week, the question is how strong am I? What do you think.....

😜

Day 3

Day 3 of being 100% back on step 2 Cambridge weight plan and I feel In the zone! Yey to being back in control.  Moments like this I cherish, I embrace the positivity as I know every day isn't rosy but today it is so I'll take that!

I should take some pics of myself but I'm not good at exposing my bad bits, one step at a time...

A wonderful Cambridge consultant I know posted this picture recently:

How true is this?

Everyday is about trying your best, everyday is about waking up and facing a curve ball or two. Today I've dodged a few and I've stuck to plan! I can do do this!!

So can you x

Day one...

Today I had a plan; start step 2 and up my exercise. I had been going to some amazing fitness classes which I loved and enjoyed so much but when we had limited money I stopped and lost my way with exercise. I let this add to my feeling of failure...

Anyway I booked to go back today but it'd seem I now have a bad chest and couldn't make it. I've not let it stop my new start, it's just delayed the fitness side that's all. Today I've had 2 products so far and a chicken salad, plus lots of coffee.... need more water though.

Proud of today.

Take each day as it come

Never beat yourself up and be proud of the smallest of achievements 👍🏻

Will enjoy a new strawberry bar when the kids are in bed and cuddle down to a movie me thinks!

Poinsettia

My Great Nan was an inspiration to me; she didn't have it easy with a deformed leg all her life which meant she walked with an obvious limp. I recall a day when a large male tried to pick on her, she wasn't phased and defended herself with honour. Her husband died in his 50s and she lost 2 of her 3 children before they were 30. She did NOT let this stop her living, she appreciated what she had and the love she gave me was unconditional. She loved poinsettias.

Last year at Christmas I brought my usual poinsettia but it died within a week. This year my poinsettia lasted all Christmas and is still going. I started to wonder if it was a sign; did fate throw me such a rubbish hand going into 2016 that meant the year was destined to fail? Is that why I let my bad year impact on my weight? Does my living poinsettia mean 2017 is going to be a good one? Even as I write this I'm giggling at myself and can imagine what my Great Nan would say.... "it's a bloody plant and last year you over watered it! This Christmas you learnt from your mistake!" Reality.

All this relates to my weight and how I battle with my own mind. I look for signs to self sabbatage, reasons to fail, excuses and search for why's.

I've weighed this morning and whilst it's 2 stone heavier than August 2015 it's not 7 stone heavier and  it's not back where  i was in 2014.

2017 has to be about Positive mental attitude (PMA).

Off to grab my black coffee and pint of water now, catch you later 💦👍

1st of January 2017 and I'm starting as I mean to go on, it may seem cliched but I see it as a chance and I'm taking it thank you!

I've always over thought things and 2016 took that to a whole new level. 2017 will see me rationalise my thoughts by blogging and getting a little bit of me out there.

This blog is about how mental health and weight loss come hand in hand.  You'll need a little background to understand I'm sure and as I blog I will refer to the past but it will be brief for now as this is all about looking forward....

I'm 39 this year, when I was 35 I finally started a weight loss journey which saw me achieve goals I never thought possible. Cambridge weight plan changed my life. I'd always been big, I never had a little black dress I wanted to get back into, I didn't know what being small felt like, my weight had been there all my life and therefore I knew no different except for the fact I wasn't happy and wanted to be healthier. I'd tried many diets and achieved good results, I know all about healthy eating but yet my battle continued and if I'm honest it still does. I'd maintained for 3 years but after a shocking year of "bad luck" even with every tool in the box known I've let it slip.

Here I am, no where near as big as I was but starting again tomorrow. Here I am, exposing my thoughts in the hope that I help myself and perhaps someone else too. I want people to realise and I want to realise myself that I'm only human and beating myself up every day will not help me or anyone else. I'm going to start on a journey that makes me believe in myself, that finally makes me see positive things and helps me to stop beating myself up if I can't get perfection because from now on; near perfection is good enough.

Happy 1st January 2017

Here's to positivity

Here's to a new start 😃