One month in

 30th January and the month has flow by. On the whole I can say that January has been a good month! Usually I get so low at the beginning of the year but I suppose I didn’t have the high of Christmas in the same way, so can’t come down?

Perhaps I’m just in a better headspace?

Who knows but I’ll take it.

I’ve not had any alcohol since 2nd Jan, I’ve fitted exercise in 4 times (at least) a week and I’ve been eating a low carb, healthy diet. I didn’t weigh myself on the 2nd January, I just couldn’t  bring myself to do it. I weighed myself today, knowing I’d certainly lost probably a stone. Deep down I know how much last year. I could feel how much if put on due to my restricted mobility, breathlessness, tiredness and the list goes on, but I just couldn’t weigh myself and be faced with the number.  So here I am now. It is what it is. I wish the scales didn’t have the number I was faced with but I stood on, faced with reality but knowing it is coming down, I know that much.

Another stone in 4 weeks... here we go! I can do this. I’m so excited about getting back into clothes, I’m so excited about feeling my fitness and well-being improve. I’m looking forward to being able to spend time with my family again (my parents, sister and nephews). I’ve got so much to look forward to. A life to live. I’ve only got one so let’s make it a good one.

So, how am I doing it?

I’m using the treadmill so far on the ifit programme with a mix of incline walking and some jogging interval training. I’m eating about 1000 calories per day (using 1:1 diet by cambridge weight plan products to keep me on track). At the weekend we’re having a special breakfast which usually consists of lean sausages (2) poached eggs, dried fried tomato and mushrooms with mashed avocado. So yummy.

Here I am. Feeling good. Feeling thankful but the cherry on the cake would be to have a glass of wine. It’s the one thing I’m craving but I know I need to abstain for now. I know how many calories are in alcohol and I know it gives me the munchies. I know if I open the gate it’ll be one or two Fridays and Saturdays which I know I can’t do with 4 stone to lose.

Jason will be home soon. Putting up a punch bag. This is the next stage to fitness and mental well-being plan, a good punch and let it all out plus burn some fat at the same time.

I know I’m saying it again but I know how lucky I am. I adore my husband. My kids are such wonderful boys. I have such supportive parents and sister plus I have 5 (and more) special ladies in my life that I’m so grateful to have. Financially we’re ok. A lovely house and so much to look forward to. 

2021 is the year to get me in check. I’ve 5months and I don’t want to veer off track. I can do this! 

Guilt and paranoia

 I can’t believe it’s been near 2 weeks since I posted last. It’s been a good 2 weeks though!

We are still in a national lockdown, I still can’t spend time with the people I love (other than my husband and two boys who I’m always grateful for) but I’m here, it’s January and I’m in a positive place.

No alcohol since January 2nd, healthy eating and gradually building on my exercise. All good. 

I carry around a lot of guilt and have no idea why. I think it’s when the guilt turns to paranoia that I lose myself. Guilt of:” is Jason’s dad ok by himself, is he truly managing?  Are my boys emotionally fine in this pandemic? Do we spend enough time with them? Do I make enough effort with my friends? “ Could some of this be the control freak in me? Am I more guilt than paranoia because I’m currently fixated on fitness and healthy eating? 

I literally have no idea but I’m feeling good about my efforts. The lockdown has taken away the choice to surrender to my guilt and focus on getting me back. I love the journey as I’m on it with Jason too.

Ive actually managed some interval walk-jogging. I wobble, it kills me but my foots holding up and I’m succeeding. I’m winning in so many ways. We’re doing ok and I wanted to share that with you, 

I read this on the 1:1 diet by cambridge weight plan site and it really resonated with me and it’s so true. Always keep trying to be the best version of yourself!

Why it’s hard work being fat!

I’ve decided to list the things that weight does that you kinda forget when you’ve lost it. This post is a reminder so I never take it for granted again and remember the small things, the things that really can make you feel miserable:

1. Cutting or painting your toes gets soooo much harder to bend

2. Putting on socks and knickers so much harder. The awkwardness of bending is such a challenge

3. Bending to shave your legs is harder too

4. Aching hips

5. Aching lower back

6. Wearing huge pants!

7. My stomach hangs low almost between my legs

8. When I’m sitting down I have a shelf to wrest my arms or coffee on which although it sounds like a positive, it shouldn’t be.

9. My stomach skin gets sweaty and sore. I have to shower once a day, if not twice because of this. (It’s also nice to be clean). When it gets sore though it’s awful, so painful and I worry as it has a smell to it too. So not nice!

10. I’m so body conscious, even in front of my ever loving husband. I know he loves me no matter what my shape or size but I just don’t feel “nice” or sexy. I what to be so much to him

11. I don’t even think about clothes now. I have a handful of items I know fit and I dread having to buy anything new 

12. My feet are bigger

13. My hands are bigger and I can’t wear my wedding rings

14. When I jump my stomach jumps about a second later than the rest of me and hurts (due to the flapping about)

15. I definitely get more tired carrying the weight

16. I can’t go up the stairs with ease like I used to. Sometimes I find I’m dragging myself up them

17. I don’t like to look in the mirror. 

18. I definitely don’t want a full length pic or a sitting down picture of myself 

19. I can’t run and play with the kids. I just don’t have the speed or energy!

20. Leg rubbings and sore skin

21. Leg rubbing so your trousers thin so much quicker between your legs

22. Worrying when you need to sit on a chair, the paranoia as it looks flimsy and ‘what if’ it breaks?!

I think I’ll keep this list open and add things as I think of them. 

 

Week one in the bag

Such a busy week this week. Such a positive week. I’m going to list all my wins:

1. Back to work (from home), a whole week and a productive one at that.

2. Homeschooling week one done, we all survived except one small blip.

3. Food plan stuck to, all healthy eating supported by my 1:1 Diet by cambridge weight plan products.

4. Two challenging walks on the treadmill and one family walk in our local woods done, plus a family workout. Just enough to start me off feeling more active.

5. Feeling so much more positive. Felt myself not hiding, arranged a few WhatsApp and zoom meets and didn’t stress about it (I know I’d been hiding away, embarrassed by how much weight I’d put on)

I’ve found myself feeling like a bit of the old me, whatever that means.  Following bereavement and losing people close to you it’s such a journey. I miss my mother-in-law so much, we spoke most days at least once, it was so hard to adjust to not seeing her or hearing from her anymore but now 16months on I still miss her but I’ve got used to the lose somehow. I still miss her but don’t feel it has a hold over me anymore. 

Week one and I feel I can do this. 

I will lose weight again and I will feel happy. I’m a lucky one 🍀😍

Writing down your wins is so important!

Perfect Match

Sunday 3rd January 2021. I’m sitting, not moving as I somehow hurt my upper back: stooping over a jigsaw and painting probably didn’t help.

Anyway, I’m not feeling sorry for myself I’m determined to have a positive mindset. I’m also smiling watching Jason doing so much for me today (sorry Jason!)

I watched the Fitbit advert today, it spoke of not thinking about ‘losing’ but thinking ‘gaining’ and it really resonated with me. What can I gain which is positive about weight loss? I can gain better health, gain energy, gain more independence from myself and gaining positive thoughts about myself... I can gain so much!

Tomorrow I’m starting the food journey which will support my positive mental mindset. Hand in hand they are a perfect match for success.

The last day of a tough year!

I’m blogging sat in bed with a coffee at 9.30am on the 1.1.21. Yesterday wasn’t a sad day, I didn’t not find time to blog, I simply left it to this morning so I could reflect on the different New Years Eve I had.

I’ve grown up with my parents throwing great New Year’s Eve parties and then of recent years I’ve been lucky to live in our village, make wonderful friends and share the New Years partying with them and their children with ours. This year, as with Christmas we stayed safe and by the order of Mr Drakeford and the WG we stayed home.

So I did what I do and wanted to make it as nice as possible, for me and for the kids (to be honest Jason doesn’t mind either way). I ordered an amazing curry from the Purple Poppodom in Canton and popped open a bottle of bubbles (still left from my 40th and I’m 42!).  We are lucky enough to recently have had a cabin built in our garden, so we all took a trip to the cabin and played: darts, headbanz, articulate, speakout and bananagram. We had our Facebook portal at the ready and managed to speak to my parents and Helen n Ben.

I have to say the Big Ben countdown and all the fireworks were amazing and a great reflective tribute to the awful year 2020. I had an enjoyable evening, no regrets, no “I wish” but I felt grateful, and happy. What I have is amazing.

I’m going to leave my blog there. Reflecting on the evening and not the year. 31.12.20 was a nice family evening and I love the three men in my life with all my bones, I’m a lucky girl ❤️ I feel hopeful.