Guilt and paranoia

 I can’t believe it’s been near 2 weeks since I posted last. It’s been a good 2 weeks though!

We are still in a national lockdown, I still can’t spend time with the people I love (other than my husband and two boys who I’m always grateful for) but I’m here, it’s January and I’m in a positive place.

No alcohol since January 2nd, healthy eating and gradually building on my exercise. All good. 

I carry around a lot of guilt and have no idea why. I think it’s when the guilt turns to paranoia that I lose myself. Guilt of:” is Jason’s dad ok by himself, is he truly managing?  Are my boys emotionally fine in this pandemic? Do we spend enough time with them? Do I make enough effort with my friends? “ Could some of this be the control freak in me? Am I more guilt than paranoia because I’m currently fixated on fitness and healthy eating? 

I literally have no idea but I’m feeling good about my efforts. The lockdown has taken away the choice to surrender to my guilt and focus on getting me back. I love the journey as I’m on it with Jason too.

Ive actually managed some interval walk-jogging. I wobble, it kills me but my foots holding up and I’m succeeding. I’m winning in so many ways. We’re doing ok and I wanted to share that with you, 

I read this on the 1:1 diet by cambridge weight plan site and it really resonated with me and it’s so true. Always keep trying to be the best version of yourself!