"Its been mentally tough"
"I have felt so tired"
"I have achieved!"
"I feel back in control!"
"I feel frustrated that I let myself go..."
That's weigh loss; so up and down....
Weight loss is such a mental journey, so now I need to self reflect and think of a few years back. I think looking back can really help, it can help you realise how far you have come. This is 2007 (pre kids) and we are young but we are carrying far too much weight, we were happy
When I look at this picture I remember the feeling of wearing a swim suit around others. The endless trale to find one I liked that didn't make me feel like a whale. I remember sweating so much (I know it is hot in Cyprus but) I remember thinking that the slimmer people didn't seem to look as hot as me. I remember living for the food and alcohol on that holiday. I remember wanting to jump around in the pool and play, have fun but I remember worrying as I know my fat would jump with me!
I know holidays are about relaxing and having more treats than usual and that's fine if you have some control, that's fine if you know what it means to have a 'treat' and that's fine if you aren't 7-10 stone heavier than is deemed healthy.
A little more history; 1997 I put on 4 stone in 12 months, 1998 I lost 4 stone in 18 months, 1999-2000 I put it all back on and more, 2007 I fell pregnant and had the embarrassment of being pregnant and morbidly 'obese'. It was at this time that I weighed in every week on the maternity ward to see if I would be allowed to be maternity led instead of consultancy led. I did it! It wasn't about me back then, it was about the beautiful baby I had longed for, it was about giving him the best start in life. He was born and I slipped back into bad habits and 2 years later I was back to the weight I had been pre pregnancy. To be honest I was so sleep deprived I didn't care about me really, in fact when I think of my weight I can recall so many people telling me what "a beautiful face I have" and "what a bubbly, loving personality" I had and how "lovely I always look"; really I did try to do the best I could with what I had lol but really I hadn't considered the effects this had had on me psychologically and also physically.
Enough history for now and perhaps a happy photo is needed. Life isn't all doom and gloom and I for one am very grateful for what I have and who I am. Weight has been a large 'thing' consuming a lot of my life but it isn't everything as this is; this is everything: FAMILY 💞
So I look back now and think about those years ago and how far I have come. I am proud of me, I am so proud of my husband too, we have changed and I love the fact my children can see this too. Weight loss is a journey and I hope to continue to share mine.
Week 2 tomorrow; bring it on!
No comments:
Post a Comment